Psych Consult

The psych consult went very well.

The psychologist was really nice and had been through IF herself for 10 years before finally conceiving her two genetic kids via GIFT. They are now 27/25 yrs old, so its a long time ago.  At that time there were no donor egg options so it is interesting to see and appreciate how far things have come in terms of fertility treatments.

She asked me about my TTC history and I choked up (as always) talking about my chemical, but was able to keep from actually crying. Then we talked about other stuff such as disclosure to the child and she showed me some children's books that deal with the topic. She asked me what qualities I wanted in a egg donor, what my sperm donor was like and what I liked about him. Throughout she kept telling me I was "ahead of the game" I guess because I seemed well informed and sure of my mind.

She asked me if I had any concerns and I mentioned that there is still a part of me which thinks I should try with my own eggs, and she said that is a trap that many people fall into. I mentioned that while I wanted a child I was also cognizant of finances and the reality of age/time and she agreed that I was taking the right step in going the donor egg route. 

We talked a bit about how the child will not look like me, and how they would explain it to friends since its not as simple an answer as "I am adopted".  I am not Caucasion, but both my donors will be.  My skin coloring is very close to it and I often times get mistaken for Italian/Spanish/Greek. So, if I stick with brown eyed/brown haired donors it would not be a far stretch, but of course there are no guarantees and I could have a blond haired/blue eyed kid.  So, I am concerned on how the child may feel. I had some ideas on how the child could respond which she agreed with.  She said her kids look nothing like her and I have met someone else who said that their genetic kids look so unlike the parents that people think they are adopted. 

So, overall she was happy to meet me and it seemed she was confident that I had my act together. She will write up a report and send to the clinic next week.

I met my sister for dinner tonight. I gave her an update on my abdominal pain and mentioned about the upcoming cycle and mentioned the miscarriage. She was like "oh, I did not know" -- I felt like saying well if you had bothered to ask me how it went you would have known, but I kept quiet.

I mentioned the donor egg and she was okay with it but then took off on a self righteous rant about the whole race discussion. To which I replied I am not worried about it. My sister's husband is Caucasian so we are a mixed family as it is, and her kids are half Caucasian so that sort of shut her up. I don't expect her to be particularly supportive anyways so it does not matter.

Now in the next month, I need to get this abdominal stuff resolved to my satisfaction, well at least rule out the worst case scenario, and then look at next steps in terms of selecting a donor.

I did squeeze in a walk this evening, so that is 3 days in a row and I am back to eating healthy so that should help with dropping the few lbs I have put on.

Tomorrow is yoga -- and I did confirm that the class is on :-)