PUPO ...sort of...

I slept very badly last night and could feel my BP was elevated all day (could be due to the Medrol) and I was very stressed not knowing how the embryo situation would play out.  They were to call me this morning to say whether I needed to come in for the transfer or if I could wait for Day 5.

So, the phone rings at 8:30am and they want me in today.

I knew that it could not be the best quality, since they prefer to wait for Day 5, but I still had hope that there could be good Day 3 embies.

Unfortunately, my worst case scenarios with respect to the embryos played itself out. 

When I went into the transfer room, I saw the pictures of the two embies on the screen, and even to my untrained eye I knew that they were of mediocre quality at best.

In addition my bladder was super full and I had to empty it out partially twice before the Dr came in. I was kept waiting for about 20 minutes. Then after she had inserted the speculum my bladder was still too full so I had to go partially empty it out AGAIN!   So, it was very uncomfortable and quite unlike last time when the Dr came in immediately as soon as I was set up.

Then the embryologist shows up and and gived me the not so good news that the embies were 4-5 cell only which is slow for Day 3. They should ne 6-8 cell at least. So, basically crappy response.

They wanted to put in two.  I said "only one" since crappy or not, I am not wanting to take a chance with twins at  ALL. I told them I was single and plus given my age I could not risk carrying twins. They agreed with me on both counts.

So they put in one 5 cell...the others will be grown over the next day or so to see if they make it to blasts and if so they will be frozen. They cheerily said "Good Luck" and "You never know etc etc"...which was not much consolation really.

The Dr did say that if this transfer does not result in pregnancy, which I am positive it cannot with a lagging embie, I do get another donor cycle for free due the program I signed up for originally.

So, on the good side I can cycle again at their cost, the bad side is that I have to cycle again which I was wanting to avoid and hoping this was the "one".

I guess not! 

I am sure they are not happy either and will not be surprised if they pull the donor off the roster.

Of course there is the question of the sperm as well, and if there could be an issue there. But from my reading, after the initial fertilization, the sperm kicks in on Day 4, so the first 3 days the growth is based on the egg itself.

So, I am PUPO technically.  My Mom was in the transfer room and saw the embie dropped in there which was cool.

I cannot explain how I feel - I think indifference describes it best.  This is a curveball I frankly did not anticipate. I knew that getting a BFP was no guarantee, but I did not expect zero good quality embies.

Anyways, on the bright side, at least I will not be obsessing over the TWW.

I will lounge around today a bit after lunch and take a nap, but no bed rest. I may go for a stroll this evening if the weather is nice.

Just going to lead a normal life and see how it all pans out.