The Day After...

Thanks ladies for your kind comments. You are such a valuable support system and I really appreciate each and every one of you.

So, its the day after. I am feeling gloomy in general, its been an awful April so far.

I think what is irritating me the most is that I wasted 6-7 weeks for basically nothing.  And that I have to cycle again and pump all those vile drugs into my body. I am sure the vast quantities of Lupron, prog, estrogen etc cannot be good for the body and could have long term repercussions which is why I loathe to use them. But what options do I have really - none.

I fired off an email to the DE Coordinator asking her to schedule some time to answer my questions and give me access to the donor pool.  I know some of you ladies have done this repeatedly so I am looking at you for strength and inspiration here.

I will also email the sperm bank and confirm how many reported pregnancies my donor had. I know he had at least one since his profile indicated it. I am wondering if  I should switch out the sperm as well.

This is so exhausting.

I thought I was one cycle closer to finshing my 4 year long TTC journey (either with baby or without). I was hoping all this donor finding etc was behind me. But I am effectivey back at square one for a DE cycle.

This is reminding me of my first IVF where I only produced one egg and it got converted to IUI. I did not count it as a "IVF try", same way this cycle does not count as a  "DE try" really.

I will call the RE's office tomorrow out of curiosity to see if they continued growing the remaining embies and see if they made it to day 5 or arrested.

I am half-heartedly going through the motions of my Estrace and suppositories. At least no more shots.

I am still having my two cups of decaf tea. I was planning to completely stop after transfer since even decaf tea has some caffeine, but I do not see any point in restricting simple pleasures.  My neck muscles are super tight with the stress the last few weeks so will take my muscle relaxant tonight.

I am thinking of taking a quick trip with my Dad to visit family in PA. I will try for maybe mid May. A weekend away will be nice.