The Day before Beta

Thank you, friends, for the heartfelt wishes on my post yesterday.

You are such a wonderful support system and have the kindness and grace to be so happy for me, despite where you are on this difficult journey. You are wonderful, strong women and I wish nothing but the best for each of you.

Tomorrow is beta.

I think getting a BFP has taken a lot of the "edge" off the beta itself  At least I don't have to stress "am I or aren't I"?  Regarding the beta number, that is so not in my control that I am not spending time thinking about it.

Today's peestick is a tad darker than yesterday. However, I don't want to over analyze the line color. Just glad there is still a line.

One reason I am testing each day is that I had a chemical back in Oct. Back then I had waited for beta, and have always wondered if the HCG was higher and then started dropping on beta day. These peesticks will give some additional information should something like that occur this time around. I have one more which I will use tomorrow morning and I will not POAS after beta.

To be honest, I am still quite shell-shocked. I think some of you mentioned my being calm, its actually just feeling numb.

Someone aptly described infertility as PTSD - I think that is true.

I have been on this journey for 4+ years, seeing innumerable stark white BFN over years of natural TTC'ing, with temping and ovulation kits and IUIs and later OE IVFs and DE IVFs. Always hoping to see those two lines. After my last DE cycle in April, I had very little hope and really felt I was nearing the end of my ability to stay on this journey.

And then yesterday all that changed - in 3 short minutes!

Its hard to comprehend really. I look at my peesticks and wonder "did that come from my pee? " 

Geez, I probably sound completely insane - lol.

But now I have hope and that helps a lot.

On the symptom front, still not a lot happening and I am cool with that.

I do get waves of tiredness and then get waves of energy. Yesterday evening by 6pm I was yawning and way too tired to cook dinner, but then got a second wind at about 9pm and stayed up past 11pm. The only thing I have noticed that is defintely different is that the last few days I am feeling very warm almost like I have a temperature.  I even took my temperature last evening, it was 98.89.   Boobs are slightly sore in the evenings and perfectly normal in the morning.  I am thirsty a lot more and my lips are dry so I am using chapstick - in July!  I think that may be the estrogen.

Continuing to enjoy the moment, staying thankful for this opportunity and taking one day at a time.