Ball of Nerves

My heart goes out to Steph at Sometimes... who just got very bad news today.  Please send her some support since she really needs it. This is such a hard journey and one can never really be sure of how it will turn out. Its so unfair after all we all have been through.

I wrote ths post below before I read Step's news....and now my post seems so silly and frivolous.

But since I had already published it I will leave it out there.

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I have been such a ball of nerves the past week or so...and its not worrying about the pregnancy itself, but rather other environmental factors associated with it.

I never visualized that daily activities will make me pause and second guess everything I do and have done around me. I guess being the first trimester is stressful since its such a critical time.

I seriously need to chill out, but its always one thing or other that keeps me on google.

1. Right when I found out I was pregnant I started phasing out all my personal care products for more natural stuff. I had already made some changes to what I use on my body and hair a couple of years ago, after I stumbled upon the Environmental Working Group's Cosmetics Database (scary stuff indeed). But I still wanted to do more and so I immediately swapped to a non-aluminum deodorant for daily use and a natural toothpaste among other things. Also I decided to use organic olive oil as a body oil and face moisturizer since its least controversial.

The big thing I was missing was a face moisturizer since the oil is heavy for the hot weather we are having here.  I have searched and googled my heart out for days and even the natural ones have stuff like, rosehip oil (high in Vit A) etc which are probably not ideal to use.  I bought one natural face cream (no parabens) but it is so fragrant that I cannot use it! 

I have finally given up and decided that for my upcoming trips I will just use my old stuff and my normal makeup and not stress about it anymore. Most women don't change any personal care products or stop wearing makeup, so I am sure it will be fine for a  few days. The majority of the time I am home with no make up and using my natural stuff anyways.  I mean we are taking about my face here -- less than 10% of my body area. There is nothing really bad like Retinol in any of the products anyway.  I think stress is worse than putting something on my face :-(

2. Then there was the whole roach/pesticide drama of last week.  To add to it today I had the a window open downstairs and the grass guys sprayed liquid herbicide even though the stupid person I had spoken to last week said it would be only fertilizer this week.  Luckily I noticed it, so I closed the window. Its supposed to dry in an hour after which kids and pets can play on it.  A couple of hours after they came it poured rain so I am sure its all absorbed by now........but another worry. 

3. To add to that one of my teeth has become very sensitive lately, particularly to sweet.  I know that pregnancy can cause teeth sensitivity, but I could not just go buy Sensodyne since I am not sure if I can use it or not.  Anyway, I called my dentist and booked an appt for Thursday since I am going out of town for the next 2 weeks and needed to make sure she checks its out.  Even if its a cavity, not much I do about it until second trimester. She did say Sensodyne is fine to use, so did my RE.

4. Oh and this is the worst!!

I have a door from the kitchen leading to the back porch. Its actually two doors - one a plain glass french door on the back and a regular planed door towards the inside of the house. I like to keep the paned door open so I just have the outside glass door closed and can get light.

Today after lunch I happened to go towards it and what do I see - no, not a roach - but a green garden lizard, happily sitting in the doorway frame - INSIDE the outdoor door. I have no idea how the heck it came in, but I know the outside door is not very well fitted so it does have some place for things to squeeze in.

I did not know what to do...so I slammed the inside door shut praying that I could be fast enough that it either gets stuck in the door or preferably feels the breeze and moves away and out. 

Well it did not come inside.

I then had to wear my shoes go out in the rain, over all the herbicide ridden grass, covering my nose/mouth for fear of inhaling anything to see of I could see a tail or something to give me a clue as to where the lizard was.

I saw nothing!

So now it either ran away (best case scenario) ---OR -- its stuck in the second door (worst case scenario).

I stuffed paper towels in the cracks of the second door too and called my Dad in the evening to come over. I needed a second person around before I re-opened the door there should the lizard be dead/dying/or alive.

It was quite the operation. I opened the door with a broom in hand and my Dad was standing by with a shoe.....and thank God there was nothing.

So, as I had hoped the lizard probably felt the breeze of the approaching door and took off the way it came.

Geez....if I was not pregnant I would be puring myself a large glass of wine after today's drama.

So, my new resolution is to stop behaving like a petrified rabbit and not over analyze each and every thing around me.

Oh and if you think I am acting like a crazy person - you have my permission to call me out on it!!!