A Very Bad Day

I don't even know how to write this post.

I got some bad news today for my CVS results.  I got a call from the genetic counselor. I was on a conference call but the fact that she was calling filled me with dread.

I was right in feeling that way.

I had got my early results last week (nurse called) and my FISH results were normal for Trisomy 21, 18 and 15, I was somewhat relieved.

However, final results have found Trisomy 18 in some of the cells cultured. Trisomy 18 is incompatible with life due to severe health issues.

They want me in for an early amnio this Friday to confirm findings. 

There is a chance that the mosaicism is restricted to the placental cells and the fetal cells, which are best represented in the amnio by the baby's skin cells and urine, could be normal.  The genetic counselor did not raise any alarm but said that the amnio results and the 20 week scan will give a better picture.

But I am worried. 
I don't know want to do or think.

I had a big cry earlier after the call and when my Mom came over earlier this evening.  Now am just numb and it feels like a bad dream.  I was just getting to the point where I was beginning to exhale and feel that this may all turn out okay. And now this.....

I am trying to tell myself its premature to panic until I get the amnio results but that is a good 3 weeks out. Its going to be a pretty rough ride.

Nothing in this journey is easy.

Oh and I am having a baby girl!  I found out last Monday, and was hoping to do the big happy reveal this week with wonderful CVS results.

This is not how I expected to tell you all :-(

Just so sad right now.