Today for the first time in 15 weeks, I went solo, on an outing. I went up to the city to see an art exhibition which I have been waiting for since 2011!
I had a lovely relaxed lunch at the museum restaurant (I actually chewed food - lol). Then saw the exhibition with a friend. My Mom came over to my place and I had the nanny come in for 4hrs as well to watch Beanie.
I missed Beanie, but it felt great to be out imbibing some culture.
My solo jaunt reminded me of a post I was reading on a message board a month or so ago for women with babies around Beanie's age. This particular woman mentioned feeling like she has lost her identity since having a baby. Several other women chimed in saying they did too. I have read similar comments in many other places over the years - message board, magazine articles, etc.
It made me stop and think about it.
How do I feel now that I am a Mom?
Do I feel that it has consumed me and I am no longer who I was?
My answer is no, I don't feel that way at all.
Maybe I am not the norm, but I don't feel that my identity is depleted by focusing on Beanie 24/7.
I feel I am very much still the same person, just an enhanced version.
In fact, I am seeing parts of myself reveal themselves that I did not even knew existed - such as having a lot more patience than I did before, more enthusiasm in general, enjoying doing silly things that bring out my own inner child and the penultimate which is, having an all consuming love for this little baby.
I wondered why I felt different than those other women.
Is it because I work, and in my profession I am not perceived differently than before? Or is it that right from Day 1, I made sure I had some "me" time each day to connect with myself, even if its just 15 min to sip some tea after Beanie is in bed. Or is it that I have continued to do things I enjoyed before, such as, yoga, massages, working out, cooking albeit in much reduced frequencies, but doing them nonetheless so my "new" normal is not 180 degrees different?
Not sure why...but I could not relate to that thread at all.
I shall caveat this post by saying that I am new at motherhood, perhaps in 2-3 years I will feel differently...not sure.
To you moms out there....did you feel like you lost your identity after having a baby?
There are of course things I miss from pre-baby days, such having a leisurely meal, watching TV, or being able to ease slowly into the day. Nowadays I open my eyes and I am "ON"......but again its strange that it is not as difficult as I had imagined.
I totally agree with your post. I don't feel at all like I've lost my identity. In fact, I feel more comfortable in my new skin than ever before. I'm not sure why that is either? I'm still off work for another nine months but I was never someone who totally identified myself by my career. I like my job but am not all consumed by it so being away and adjusting to a completely new role hasn't been that hard for me. I love my new life and would be thrilled to stay home with him even longer than a year.
ReplyDeleteI feel as though becoming a mother has defined me, made me the best, enhanced as you say, version of me. I've felt I've become who I always thought I should be. Sure I still have other interests & hobbies but right now, motherhood takes centre stage for me because that's what I always wanted.
ReplyDeleteenhanced is the perfect word to describe how life has changed, great word -- maybe it's because we wanted this & have done it on our own, that we feel blessed to have these kids that would otherwise have not existed had we waited... going this route, i think, makes our view of motherhood very different. we brought this on ourselves!! i feel like a truer me, a more fortunate me, & these babies being the new centers of my world is a long time coming. thank God!!
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with your post. In fact, I feel like I 'found" myself in becoming a mother. It was that one missing piece to what I was doing before. yes, I am not spending as much time on myself but that is ok. That is what I wanted. That is what I knew I was signing up for. I also think being an older mom helped. I had done and spent lots of time on myself (by myself).
ReplyDeleteSo glad you were able to get an outing by yourself.
ReplyDeleteI am so glad to hear that, it is important to still be you and nurture yourself as well. As I understand, it's not so easy to do once you have kids, but I'm glad to hear it's not taking over your life and it's actually making it richer and happier.
ReplyDeleteI'm not a mom but I'm glad to hear you couldn't relate to the post because I want to think that if I ever become a mom I wouldn't relate to it either. I wonder if maybe some of it has to do with how much you had to fight to become a mother or that you were already your own person.
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