Going with the Flow

I have read many blogs over the years including a lot of "mommy" blogs which gave me a good insight into parenting and what it is really like at the ground level, not the fantasy we see in movies or adverts. The blogs were very helpful in setting expectations.

I did, however, see one word repeated a lot - "guilt" - be it guilt associated with not being able to breastfeed, or spend time with the little one or just worrying about not being "perfect mother" whatever one's idea of perfection is.

Now admittedly I am very new at this whole parenting thing, but so far I have really tried to avoid going down that path of guilt and self-doubt.

Frankly for someone who has hardly been around babies, I think I am doing a pretty decent job!

There have been the usual challenges.

For example with breastfeeding and not producing too much milk. Lots of women have written about their feelings and thoughts on this subject. I did have a few weeks when I was beginning to get a bit stressed over the lack of quantity and then I realized, something is better than nothing. As long as I am trying and even if I can only give my baby a little breast milk, I am good. And formula is not the "devil" - lots of women can only feed their babies formula for whatever reason and they grow up just fine.

I refused to go down the path of feeling guilty, or even worse, feeling my body failed me. It did not fail me - it gave me a healthy pregnancy and my adorable baby after all!

Once I gave up that expectation, I felt better and my milk supply got better too. Its still not the best and I still need to supplement with formula , but I am okay with a 75% BM and 25% Formula combination.

Same goes for schedules.

I think a few weeks back I was reading about getting babies into schedule and starting to get a bit antsy. We were all over the place with baby-led feeding and I felt confused on how to set her up with a rhythm.

Then I thought -- this is a BABY for heaven's sake, not a robot.

She will scream and cry and fuss, not eat or eat a lot, and not sleep some days and sleep a lot on others. So, I gave up on scheduling and went with the flow and guess what, the past couple of days a glimmer of a schedule is beginning to emerge slowly.

Next topic sleep deprivation.

Frankly its not been bad at all!  I have to admit I was scared about this one. I thought I would be a walking zombie since I DO NOT do well on less than 8 hrs sleep.  But its been really good, even the first 6 weeks when I was feeding every 2 hours and getting 45min naps if at all.  I guess the body adjusts quickly to the "sleep/wake up 10 times a night" type of changes.  Plus you are caring for your child, what can be better than that!  Most days I am alert and going about my business.  There have been a few days in total when I was really dragging and felt awful, but a few days in 10 weeks is not bad.

Admittedly, I only have one baby which I am sure plays hugely into. Plus it has only been 10 weeks so maybe its still all new and exciting ;-)

I also remind myself when she is fussy or screaming that I am the adult in this situation, so I have to adjust to her, not the other way around. I can either let it get to me, or rise above it and seeing her sweet face makes it so easy to rise above it and not get frustrated. I do have to caveat that Beanie only really cries for a reason, be it having a burp stuck, or hunger, or tiredness, so there is no needless crying.

To sum up this post, motherhood has more than surpassed my expectations! And the lesson I have learned so far is to just let go and let things happen as they do.