A strange week

The last week has been very strange...and not in a good way.

On one hand there was celebration and happiness and fun surrounding Beanie's 5th birthday. Sleepover on Fri at my parents place, Easter egg hunt on Sat, birthday party with friends on Sun and on her actual birthday - cupcakes to school and family dinner at our place with my parents, sis and BIL.

On the other hand there is sadness and fear around my Dad's diagnoses. I was mentally counting down and relishing the "normal" days until he starts chemo on Mon.  On Thurs he came with me to look for a new fridge. Driving with him and going around the store, life felt so ordinary....but its not! 

Its far from ordinary because while he looks fine outwardly, inside he has an awful disease.

Life is the same....but its not.

Its very surreal...like living in a dream..well nightmare actually.

I am having a really hard time with this. I am doing all the research and what I read is frightening. I keep breaking into tears through the day.  I am very close to my Dad so this is really hard.

I vacillate between being positive that I will get a couple of years more with my Dad (way less than I would like but at least something) to thinking we may lose him this year. 

Nobody knows.....all we can do is pray that we get some time with him. And he can beat this for a while.

My grandpa lived to 93, my grandma to 87 so I was expecting my Dad to have many more years.

He takes such good care of his health. Eats very healthy, exercises every day on the stationary bike, is active and running errands etc all day. The past few months his mobility was much reduced due to his back pain, but he was looking forward to his back surgery so he could get back to being active.

As I mentioned he begins chemo on Mon, and radiation on Tue. Praying he can handle both since that is the best treatment. He is very positive, so I need to be too.

There is trepidation for Mon, we have no clue how how his body will respond. My Mom is quite stressed too -- I think its the unknown.

Thank for the kind comments on my post the other day. I appreciate your support.