Tomorrow is Beanie's 1st birthday party.
Her actual birthday is next week but I wanted to have the celebration on the weekend so my niece and nephew could join in.
Its a small party, just family, but I am doing the the whole nine yards - theme(safari animals), invitations, cake, decorations etc. My baby will only turn one, once!
While I am excited about planning for tomorrow, I am stressed about having to meet my sister. We had an ugly exchange a couple of weeks ago. Her friends were being nosy about Beanie's genetics and she felt she needed to give them details of my private affair. I am still steamed about it.
In previous posts I have mentioned being disappointed that she was not involved in Beanie's life but now I am realizing that I just don't want her around Beanie at all. However, I had already decided to have the party and told the family, so did not cancel. I just hope she either does not come or only for a short while.
In the midst of all this angst, I am trying to hard to focus on Beanie and her celebration and not let my thoughts about my sister spoil the day. Its amazing everything good about Beanie -- the pregnancy, birth etc -- has been marred by my sister and her attitude.
But I am putting a stop to it NOW!!
After tomorrow I plan to only meet her on family birthdays and Christmas and keep her away from us. Its not like she is breaking down the door to be part of our life anyway. I know its upsets my parents, but that is just too bad. If they are so upset they can talk to her about it which they do not want to do.
I read a quote by someone saying that bearing a grudge is allowing someone to live rent-free in your head.
So true!
I need to not allow my thoughts and disappointment about my sister take over my life.
Thanks for listening, I just had to vent and get it out of my system ASAP!!
Good grief. Sisters. I really wish we lived closer so we could choose to be each other's sister and not have to worry about the ones chance gave us.
ReplyDeleteI'm steamed at her too. That wasn't her story to tell.
But I'm amazed that Beanie is a year old already. For me the time has flown by. I hope it hasn't for you though. Have a great day.
As far as your sister is concerned, someone once gave me wise advice about dealing with my brother: "Don't expect rational behavior from an irrational person." It has helped me to not continue to set high expectations and from having those expectations crushed all the time.
ReplyDeleteBeanie, HaPpY FiRsT BiRtHdAy!!! I hope you have a wonderful time at the party!!
First, Happy First Birthday to Beanie. I hope the both of you have tons of fun during the celebration.
ReplyDeleteRegarding your sister, I understand your frustration. I have a similar relationship with a cousin. Because our mothers are really close, they expect that kind of relationship with us too. But it has been very hard. I feel like I'm the one who is always making the effort while she gets away with saying and acting any way she wants, just because "that's how she is". I made a decision to put some distance between us and I feel relieve. Sometimes it's better to not force the relationship.
Again, enjoy your celebration!!!
I'm actually a little bit curious about how someone should respond in your sister's position if asked by nosy friends about the parentage of a baby who was created through IVF or donor materials, etc. I know you did not provide the full details on exactly what she said, but the situation made me think about this issue and I'm honestly curious what you or others here think. It's certainly no one's business to ask about these things and it's a silly question to ask anyway, but it is nonetheless true that when there's no father in the picture, people wonder "what the story is." It seems inevitable that people will wonder about the missing parent. How should someone (other than the concerned parent) respond to such questions? ie. just say, "I don't know" when asked about the child's parentage. If your baby was born in the traditional way, but the man left, presumably a quiet response like "the father isn't in the picture" would be acceptable. Would something along those lines similarly be okay for this situation? Hope this didn't sound rude.
ReplyDeleteMary, I understand your curiosity and no offense taken. I am very open about the fact that I am single and used a sperm donor since I don't have a partner and IVF. You are right people will ask questions even innocently about the "daddy" and its normal to wonder. What I am more private about is the fact I used a donor egg. Asking that question is to me being very nosy and inappropriate and inquiring into my medical record which is private. These are not family members who know me or anyone intimately involved in my life who may need a full explanation. The way I see it its none of their business. If anyone mentions that my baby does not look like me I just say "she looks like the donor" and leave it at that. My sister feels she need to get into more details which I disagree with. Nobody needs to lie, but the best is to just say "look I understand you are curious but this subject is not up for discussion" or something like that and politely change the topic. People are smart and they can come to their own conclusions, its not my job to be blabbing about it especially since the person who this concerns, my baby, is too small to give consent. As she grows up she can decide how much she feels comfortable sharing.
DeleteSorry your sister is an unthinking heifer. :-( I agree with Evelyn that from here it seems like it has flown by. I hope y'all have a wonderful birthday party! :-0
ReplyDeleteHappy Birthday Beanie!!! Hopefully the party went well despite the tension with your sister.
ReplyDeleteHappy birthday to beanie! I agree, focus on all that is good.
ReplyDeleteGlad you vented & hope the day went super well!! You're right not to allow your sister the power to mar the life your have with Beanie. I can't wait to hear how Beanies big party went! & pics if u can, of the decor & cake & that kind of thing!
ReplyDeleteLife is too short to spend time with people who don't enrich it - even if they are related to you by birth. I hope you're able to stick with your plan to avoid your sister for everything but holidays! And then when you do see her it doesn't ruin special days for you and Beanie.
ReplyDelete