This is going to sound really odd coming from a 40-something women but today when I dropped Beanie off at daycare (her second day) I don't know why but I suddenly felt all grown up.
As though I am officially an adult!
It was weird.
I have done lot of "adult" things in y life - got a Masters, bought a house, got married, got divorced, decided to become a SMC, got pregnant and had a baby.
So why the simple act to dropping my baby off at daycare and picking her up made me feel like I was all grown up, not sure.
Could it be because I am now responsible for another human being, and while I was responsible for myself all these years its now a completely different ballgame.
Possibly.
Or is it that I am now finally part of the parent club - one I never thought I would ever be a part of.
Not sure, but it is something I wanted to document in my blog.
Beanie had a nice second day at daycare. I have got online access to the TV camera in the room so I was able to check in on her playing, being made to nap, etc.
Its great they have this option but its also distracting. I must have logged in about 5 times just watching her playing on the bouncy and sitting on the swing. At one point she was on the bouncy and two 10 mos old girls were by her. One was grabbing at her leg (friendly-like or in a mean way I could not discern) but regardless I wanted so badly to reach into the screen and help her.
I have a friend visiting this weekend so I am busy tidying up the house for her visit. Gives me a good excuse to organize. Tonight I made some room in the pantry for Beanie's solid foods.
She started green peas yesterday and loved them. I plan to introduce a new veggie each week and later fruits. Next week it will be yellow squash, followed by green beans.
Talking about responsibility, I have several administrative tasks that I need to get done and feel terrible at having procrastinated.
First is I need to redo my will. I made one back in Feb but having a baby invalidates it and I need to get that updated soon. There is so much going on that I have just kept procrastinating but I must make an appt for next week. I also have to admit that the whole guardianship thing is still up in the air. I have two cousins (both married, no kids) who I am going to approach and I was supposed to meet them at a family function in August since they live in different states but I was unable to attend. For now I will make my parents primary physical guardian of Beanie and figure some other guardians over the next couple of months. My friend who is visiting has also offered to be godmother.
The second thing is to start a college fund for Beanie. I feel bad that Beanie is 5 mos old and I have not done anything on that front. My financial advisor keeps emailing me about it and I keep postponing. I have bought her life insurance which she will be able to convert, or borrow against, when she is18, so that is something good. Truth be told it was my Dad who did the research and got me the paperwork when Beanie was 15 days old. Thanks Dad!
Oh and on the job front -- if you recall I was afraid of being laid off right before I went on maternity leave. It was really very worrisome. Well, the layoffs happened in July and I was lucky to not be let go. The company is not doing well financially so there is still a very high risk of job loss or the company folding. Not much to do but wait and see.....until then just thankful for each paycheck.
For me it was when I was leaving instructions for the babysitter. I suddenly felt like an adult. It kind of surprised me. After years of being the babysitter, to finally be the person leaving the instructions.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure I'll ever feel grown up, even though I now have a baby. :)
ReplyDeleteI procrastinated a little bit on the will thing, too. My lawyer had advised me to draw up the new one BEFORE the baby arrived in case anything went wrong in the hospital, but I kind of didn't listen. But it's now in the works and should be finalized soon. Here's hoping I don't kick the bucket before then!
I hope things with your company will improve soon and you won't continue to have that worry hanging over your head.
I had that feeling once when I saw myself getting in a car reflected in a window.
ReplyDeleteDon't feel bad about putting stuff off; you are always productive and seen to get loads of stuff done.
On the job front, I think they kept you because you are valuable, and you will find another job because of that. Of course, that doesn't make the wait any less stressful.
I turn 30 in January and I still feel like a teenager. I don't feel like a grown up at all. Maybe it's because I still live with my parents, I work from home and I've never really dated (I dated one guy in college for one semester and he never even kissed me). It doesn't help that people are always asking me what grade I'm in.
ReplyDeleteMost of the time I feel like I am still waiting to grow up. I have a house and a Master's Degree (and working on a second). I was a teacher for 17 years. I've been married & divorced. I've lived through the deaths of my dad, one of my best friends, and one of my brothers. Apparently none of these were "big enough" to make me feel grown up. There are people who say that it's a good thing, but I still feel incomplete.
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