Missing you...one year later...

Dad,

One year ago today, you left us for good. Leaving us completely broken-hearted. Life is not the same without you, and never will be. We miss you everyday - the sound of your voice, your smile and good advice.  I have no one to to call when my faucet leaks or my car makes funny noises or I need advice on the myriad issues that come up in life. You always had the answers.  My world feels unbalanced - as if the very foundation is gone. 

We have grieved the past year, but we have also grown. You will be proud of us, particularly of Mom. You always managed the finances and things in the house. It has been a huge learning curve for her, but with our help she is now paying bills online, pumping gas in the car, learning about her finances and Medicare plans, etc. 

The year was tough, but as it draws to a close and we mark the one year of your passing, I have a sense of peace and acceptance. I have a strong feeling that you want us to move past the pain and focus on the future. Beanie has been home on break and we have spend everyday hanging out and having a good time. During this time, I felt you smiling down at us. I realized that our being happy is the best way to honor you.

Mom, Beanie and I went to church this morning, sat for a while and lit a candle in your memory. It was emotional but we left with  renewed energy. In the evening we had dinner at your place with the rest of the family. We got food from Pan.da Ex.press - your favorite :-) 

I remembered the last time you and I were together was going to PE about a week before you went into the hospital. I was going to pick up dinner and asked you to come with me for a drive. On the drive that night, I asked how you were doing since you had started your new oral drugs. You said you were doing okay but you wished you did not have to deal with the cancer and the back issues together. I told you how sorry I was that you were going through all that and what a wonderful a Dad you were, how everyone you met loved you and how you went through several tough times in life with no fuss. Looking back, its strange that I said all those things to you that evening, but I am glad I did since we never had the opportunity later.

We will miss you each and everyday, Dad, but we will remember you not with sadness, but by focussing on the lovely memories we have.

You will always be our guardian angel. Love you to the moon and back, Dad.